Confessions - Part 1

Earlier I sat down and began to write, it became a prayer quickly and talking to the Lord it became obvious what I needed to deal with... After sitting there for a few minutes trying to find words, I honestly wrote, "God, I DON'T TRUST YOU. There's no other way to say it, but I lack the ability to place my life, (my heart, my future, my daily needs, anything really...) into His hands and let Him direct my steps. This is a terrible place to be and I know I can't talk myself out of it, I can't convince myself of what I already know. 

God has done mighty things in my life in the past. He's provided when I didn't think there was a way. He comes through in the big stuff as well as the small, everyday things. He's always there will I call on Him. He will guide my steps if I choose to listen for His voice. 

Yet all those things are not enough. I still choose myself, my sin, my way, my worry, and my pain, rather than releasing it to His sovereign care. But He reminded me I'm not alone and not the first one to fail to trust Him.

God says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." I choose to go my own way and worry and frantically try to make things happen that are things He never had for me... I get myself into a mess by not trusting and not listening to Him. I get overwhelmed by the sound of the noise around me. And I miss the treasure of moments where I could rest securely in His arms. "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show his compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:15, 18

It won't be easier and I can't promise I'll be better next time. What I do know is that I'll only get better by trusting Him fully and practicing obedience. It reminds me of a song...

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;

Never fear, only trust and obey.